Breathe Again

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over?
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew...
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say...

I just want to breathe again..
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little
Live a little more

I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more..
I'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck...
It's a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away...
Don't want to live a life's replay

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

I just want to breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more

I'll breathe again...













(Ning)

Forgiven, not Forgotten

"Sorry...., it's all that you can say..."

Yap.... sorry was all that you could say...
You were definitely not singing that time,
"I'm serious........." (with a long pause.....)
But why.. it sounds.. meaningless?

I might say, it touched me a bit, the way you said it..
But then... something just popped into my head,
'what kind of crap are you!'

Still you said "I don't wanna lose you"..
And still I forgive you.. this is not because I'm good, but I'm stupid..
Stupid enough to think that you are 'the new you'..
Silly enough to hope that you will change..

Well...you are not, and you never will..... :)
You're just trapped in the same situation, with a different cast.
I thought I could never understand you, but somehow I know you quite well.

One thing I regret...
When you uttered your second sorry,
I should have replied, "You're forgiven, not forgotten."

"Hope you pay the price."

Kutipan Sahabatku

Ketika kumohon pada Allah kekuatan,
Ia memberiku kesulitan agar aku menjadi kuat.

Ketika kumohon kebijaksanaan,
Ia memberiku masalah untuk dipecahkan.

Ketika kumohon kesejahteraan,
Ia memberiku akal untuk berpikir.

Ketika kumohon keberanian,
Ia memberiku kondisi bahaya untuk kuatasi.

Ketika kumohon satu cinta,
Ia memberiku sesama untuk kutolong.

Ketika kumohon bantuan,
Ia memberiku kesempatan.

Aku tidak selalu menerima apa yang kuminta,
tapi aku menerima segala yang kubutuhkan..

The Final Conversation

Our last conversation was about how you encouraged me to keep on biking and enjoyed my vacation :)
That was the last time I heard you laughed and made silly jokes... but those were still funny :)

I was happy...
"Keep up your spirit, Om!"
And you said, "3 more months, you will see me walking proudly to say that I am fully recovered."

But the next scene I saw was your stiff body, lying in the coffin with so many flowers from beloved people, families and friends.
I heard the endless sobs, and saw those sad faces .. people came to mourn..
I just stood there.. looked at the photo with your favourite unique pose.

I was so sad, Om.. when I entered that ICU room... knowing that I might not have enough time.
I couldn't stop crying when I saw your weakened heartbeat on the monitor.
And finally it reached zero.

"Searching pulse....."

No pulse.....

I can't see souls, Om..
But in a split second seemed like I saw your free and bright soul dancing happily and smiled.

You are OK now, Om.. totally recovered.

I don't really care what has happened in the last 5 months.
All conflicts, rejection, pain, sadness, denials and regrets.

You have gone anyway....
You have chosen your way.

In the end, you returned to Him, and nobody but Him.

Bye, Om...

Thank you for letting me hold you till the last breath.

(Oom John Rinaldy - 17 March 2010)

Prayer

- St. Ignatius of Loyola -

Dearest Lord,

teach me to be generous,

teach me to serve You as You deserve,

to give and not to count the cost,

to fight and not to heed the wounds,

to toil and not to seek for rest,

to labour and not to seek for reward,

save that of knowing, i do Your most holy will.

Rasa

kala rasa itu datang menerpa

akal tak mampu merancang dusta

lelah hati sesaat sirna

hanya kalbu tertambat rasa

Langitkuw Kelabuw

baru saja kututup buku itu

ta sadar aku terpaku..

menatap tanggalan merah berganti biru

pertanda liburanku telah berlalu...

aku tau...

esok langit pasti jadi kelabu :(

bukan lagi semarak biru

bertumpuk kerjaan telah menunggu

report ini dan ituuu...

sing sabar ya otakkuuuuuuuuuuuww.... :((