The Final Conversation

Our last conversation was about how you encouraged me to keep on biking and enjoyed my vacation :)
That was the last time I heard you laughed and made silly jokes... but those were still funny :)

I was happy...
"Keep up your spirit, Om!"
And you said, "3 more months, you will see me walking proudly to say that I am fully recovered."

But the next scene I saw was your stiff body, lying in the coffin with so many flowers from beloved people, families and friends.
I heard the endless sobs, and saw those sad faces .. people came to mourn..
I just stood there.. looked at the photo with your favourite unique pose.

I was so sad, Om.. when I entered that ICU room... knowing that I might not have enough time.
I couldn't stop crying when I saw your weakened heartbeat on the monitor.
And finally it reached zero.

"Searching pulse....."

No pulse.....

I can't see souls, Om..
But in a split second seemed like I saw your free and bright soul dancing happily and smiled.

You are OK now, Om.. totally recovered.

I don't really care what has happened in the last 5 months.
All conflicts, rejection, pain, sadness, denials and regrets.

You have gone anyway....
You have chosen your way.

In the end, you returned to Him, and nobody but Him.

Bye, Om...

Thank you for letting me hold you till the last breath.

(Oom John Rinaldy - 17 March 2010)

Prayer

- St. Ignatius of Loyola -

Dearest Lord,

teach me to be generous,

teach me to serve You as You deserve,

to give and not to count the cost,

to fight and not to heed the wounds,

to toil and not to seek for rest,

to labour and not to seek for reward,

save that of knowing, i do Your most holy will.