The Final Conversation

Our last conversation was about how you encouraged me to keep on biking and enjoyed my vacation :)
That was the last time I heard you laughed and made silly jokes... but those were still funny :)

I was happy...
"Keep up your spirit, Om!"
And you said, "3 more months, you will see me walking proudly to say that I am fully recovered."

But the next scene I saw was your stiff body, lying in the coffin with so many flowers from beloved people, families and friends.
I heard the endless sobs, and saw those sad faces .. people came to mourn..
I just stood there.. looked at the photo with your favourite unique pose.

I was so sad, Om.. when I entered that ICU room... knowing that I might not have enough time.
I couldn't stop crying when I saw your weakened heartbeat on the monitor.
And finally it reached zero.

"Searching pulse....."

No pulse.....

I can't see souls, Om..
But in a split second seemed like I saw your free and bright soul dancing happily and smiled.

You are OK now, Om.. totally recovered.

I don't really care what has happened in the last 5 months.
All conflicts, rejection, pain, sadness, denials and regrets.

You have gone anyway....
You have chosen your way.

In the end, you returned to Him, and nobody but Him.

Bye, Om...

Thank you for letting me hold you till the last breath.

(Oom John Rinaldy - 17 March 2010)

Prayer

- St. Ignatius of Loyola -

Dearest Lord,

teach me to be generous,

teach me to serve You as You deserve,

to give and not to count the cost,

to fight and not to heed the wounds,

to toil and not to seek for rest,

to labour and not to seek for reward,

save that of knowing, i do Your most holy will.

Rasa

kala rasa itu datang menerpa

akal tak mampu merancang dusta

lelah hati sesaat sirna

hanya kalbu tertambat rasa

Langitkuw Kelabuw

baru saja kututup buku itu

ta sadar aku terpaku..

menatap tanggalan merah berganti biru

pertanda liburanku telah berlalu...

aku tau...

esok langit pasti jadi kelabu :(

bukan lagi semarak biru

bertumpuk kerjaan telah menunggu

report ini dan ituuu...

sing sabar ya otakkuuuuuuuuuuuww.... :((

You'll Be In My Heart

(and the song speaks...)

Come stop your crying, It will be alright..

Just take my hand, hold it tight..

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here, don't you cry..

For one so small, you seem so strong

My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm

This bond between us, can't be broken

I will be here, don't you cry..

'Cause you'll be in my heart

You'll be in my heart

From this day on.. now and forever more..

You'll be in my heart

no matter what they say..

Yes you'll be in my heart... always..

Why can't they understand the way we feel ?

They just don't trust what they can't explain..

I know we're different..

but deep inside us..

we're not that different at all..

And you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on.. now and forever more..

Don't listen to them, 'cause what do they know ?

We need each other to have to hold..

They'll see in time...

I know..

When destiny calls you, you must be strong

I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on

They'll see in time...

I know..

'Cause you'll be in my heart

no matter what they say..

You'll be in my heart..

Always..

(Phil Collins)

Capek

Sometimes I just want to fall asleep,
and never wake up...

Ini Aku

Fajar telah mulai menyingsing

Engkau semakin jauh berjalan

Langkah kakimu kian mantap

Irama lagumu menggugah kalbu

Cahaya indah kemilau...

Ikuti kemana arah membawamu

Tatapanmu nan tajam

Air mukamu tenang...

Setenang air di telaga

(thanks, bu Yuli)

November 1990